Dandelion country
by kagayaspirits
Summary: To let go of someone is like to let go of a dandelion seed, because it will never return, once it's found its promised land.


Contributing to my craze of USA - England - Japan love triangle. I love it when people fight for my favorite England ^w^ My OTP has always been USxUK, but I've developed different couple of Englandx(other characters), especially with Japan, HK and Scotland. Writing about love triangle is really fun, it's dramatic and sad and depressed and I'm all too happy to make Japan cry, or anyone cry at all, crying characters are fun, though I'm not interested in weepy ones.

Please enjoy! Not very reccommended for UKxJP-loved ones, since like I said, it's USxUK which I totally devote for. ^_^ Please review, I'd love to know what you think of this one, it took me quite awhile to gather enough determination from laziness to finish :D I'm gonna be very happy, if you can just grasp a bit of what I mean in this story!

* * *

Somewhere  
You know that he is blessed  
Isn't that enough?

He first came to you all lonely and in despair  
Wrenched and pathetic like a thrown-away toy of a grown-up child  
He came to you with a strained smile  
"Let's be friends", he said  
He looked like a soaked puppy in the rain, sad and abandoned

You knew you were only his back-up plan, in case no one else wanted to be with him  
Still, you greeted in him with a smile  
You extended your hand and touched his, it feeling as cold as ice  
You felt yourself shivering  
Must have been an imagination  
"Yes, let's be friends."

He was pathetic, he was lonely  
He was rude, was overconfident, was a snotty brat in the form of an adult  
He demanded things, he wanted everything  
He aimed for the world

But he was very, very kind  
He treated you well, like the family he never had  
He brought you things and taught you the world  
He stood up for you and was there for you when you were down  
He smiled and lightened up the world, without his own knowledge  
He overwhelmed you with himself, covered you with his shadow  
He did things that other didn't, he was proud and fearless  
He somehow managed to contrast his own self

For some reasons, he very much reminded you of yourself. And you two weren't even alike.  
Maybe it was that smile, the ghostly smile that casted upon his face when he was sleeping.  
When he slept, he smiled in tears.

* * *

There was once when you took him to the river bank  
With crystal clear water and shiny white pebbles  
With faraway boats seeming like brown hazelnuts scattered everywhere  
Where cattails swayed and dandelions danced  
Where bugs crawled on the skin and the smell of smoke thick in the air  
Where everything was bathed in silence  
Where heaven mingled with raw earth  
You held his hand and led him to the water, pulling him down and letting water flow between his fingers  
You smiled, hearing his childish laughter in the air, seeing his eyes reflecting the china-blue water, feeling the cold of the water and the warmth of his fingertips.  
It felt strange, it felt like you were bursting into pieces  
It felt as if time had stopped  
It felt as if nothing else mattered in this world  
Be damned, alliances and wars and responsibilities  
Be gone, the fact that neither of you were that real  
All, thrown into the river, washed away by the strong current  
The world consisted of two only  
You, and him.

At the end of the day, when you were returning home, when his shadow was overlapping you, when you were starring shyly at that back in front of you, when your footsteps were all wobbly, feeling like jelly, you realized that neither of you was still walking.  
He looked sideways, direction of the river where you two spent the afternoon.  
"Thanks, for taking me out today."  
You gave a light squeeze at his hand. But the other was lifeless and alien. It felt strangely cold.  
"I fell in love for the first time by a river bank."  
It really felt like the entire world had vanished and had shrunk into two beings  
Everything suddenly felt surreal  
As if the fact that his hand was cold was unreal  
As if the ground was no longer under your feet, that you were simply floating in space  
As if his confession was away from your grasp and was being blowed away in the wind  
As if your heart wasn't thumping loudly, as if your heartbeats weren't ringing in your ears.  
As if the world was finally perfect.

You let him hold your hand on the way home  
The warmth in his hand had already returned  
You smiled as his back, at the sight of his blond hair being ruffled playfully by the wind  
Your fingertips trailed on the frame of his hand, confirming  
Was it even real?

When you bidded him goodnight that night, you looked into his emerald-like eyes, seeing stars in them. And he saw a falling star over your head, in the garden outside.  
When he told you to make a wish under the star, you closed your eyes and wished, please, may time stops and we can be like this forever.  
When you opened your eyes, you saw him right beside you, eyes still closed. He was mumbling something so quietly it was impossible to hear him out, his face was so serious as if he was wishing the impossible.  
We will be all right, won't we?  
You reached for his hands and said  
"Everything is possible, please don't look so troubled."  
He looked at you, taken aback. His eyes were strangely dark, as if clouds were gathering in them. He was doubting the truthfulness in your words.  
But still, he let out a sigh and the smile that melted your heart away:  
"Thanks alot, Kiku."

* * *

Once, you two got caught up in a rain. Suddenly, the downpour arrived, raindrops like little beads splashing on your skin and soaked into your clothes. The heavy rain soon covered the area with a thick gray blanket. Before you had time to react, his hand already found yours and he started to run in the rain, pulling you along with him, to a nearby shrine. His hand was cold, so was yours, but your cheeks felt warm.  
There was no one else at the shrine, as you two stood under the brick roof, looking out to the hazy sky that got darker and darker as time passed by. Both of you were soaked to the skin, and he suggested taking off the clothes to dry them. Your face flushed when you saw him casually taking off his shirt and trousers, and you tried to wriggle away when he told you to take yours off as well.  
"But it's cold without my kimono on."  
"But you'll get a cold if you put on wet clothes. Just take it off, we're both guys, there's nothing to be embarrassed of. Geez, so stubborn!", and he laughed as you hesitantly did what he told with a pout.  
The rain didn't seem like it was going to be over anytime soon, not to mention it even got worse, as it was impossible to see anything in the cloak of rain. Winds blew strongly and cut through your skin, making you shiver.  
"You really are cold!"  
"I told you."  
"Oh well,…", he mumbled, and suddenly he pulled you to his chest.  
"Wwwwwwaaaaaahhhh…."  
"The clothes aren't dry yet, so you'll have to deal with me for the time being then!"  
"Bbbuuuttt…."  
"Come on, I don't want to be blamed for your cold if you catch one after today. I'm a gentleman aren't I, I cannot let me friend catch a cold for some lame reasons like this."  
His arm wrapped firmly behind your back, making your muscles stretch. His hands soothingly placed on your head, keeping you close. His chest felt damp and warm at your forehead. His breath soft and quiet, ruffling your wet hair. It all felt…peaceful, like a dream, and you slowly drifted away into slumber, nuzzling yourself closer to his warm body.  
Suddenly, a loud cracking burst into your ears and woke you up. Out of your heavy eyelids, the sky seemed so bright and the earth felt like shaking.  
"Did the thunder wake you up?", you heard his voice somewhere above your ears. You nodded slightly, still feeling hazy from the sleep. Then, you realized that there were hands covering outside your ears, making it buzz with strange howling.  
"You feel calmer now?"  
Your ears heated up as the touch of his hand and you covered his with yours.  
"I'm all right now."

Sometimes, when you thought back about the words he said, the cold hand that you felt, the surreal atmosphere, it felt as if you was lost in the mist and everything was merely illusions made by that desperate heart of yours.  
Sometimes, the words he said didn't sound like they were for you. That you were clinging onto a confession for someone else.  
Sometimes, when he unconsciously held your hand in his restless sleep, the name he whispered didn't sound like yours. Sometimes, when he smiled at you, it felt like it was meant for someone else.  
Sometimes, insecurity crept up your skin and bit you hard.

But still, when you heard the voice that was trashing Francis shamelessly and the scent of black tea lingering in the air, when you saw him leisurely sipping up tea while wearing your prideful kimono, when you saw his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, when you heard him asking what was wrong, when he warped an arm around your shoulder concerningly, you shut away all thought and shook your head.  
"It was nothing, Arthur-san."

* * *

This, this pleasant feeling when he was around you, only lasted for a while.  
The years passed away like a dream. A dream in which you were holding his hand, a dream in which he was smiling joyfully, a dream in which everything seemed so right. A dream in which you experienced love, a dream in which there was nothing such as responsibilities, laws and politics. A dream in which you were… happy.

In the end, things all come to an end, don't they?

One morning you woke up and he was already gone. There was no notes nor words of farewell. Nothing, but a faint scent of black tea in the air, so faint it wasn't even real.  
Months passed by without his calls, his letters, his existence in your life. Months of you in agony, in great pain, months of you locking yourself in his room, holding the pillow he used to sleep on, trying to feel his scent embed in the soft feathers. Months of you refusing to drink tea, thinking of his black tea everytime. Months of you waiting, like a lovesick puppy that loyally waited for his master.

The next time you saw him again was with you looking disbelievingly at him across the meeting table, was with you trying to ignore the words of the new treaty, was with you refusing to accept the fact that everything had already fallen apart.  
For you still hoped for the return of something that had never existed.  
Because, in the end, he had chosen _him_, instead of you.  
When the meeting was over, you was left alone in the room, starring at the place where he used to sit, recalling yourself of the quiet mumbles he spoke during the entire time, of the strange scent of unfamiliar coffee, of the voices of strangers that drowned you and him, of his eyes looking at the papers all the time, refusing to meet yours, of the eerie air that they shared.  
When you finally gathered yourself and got out of the room, when you turned a corner, you heard a deep voice hissing in front of you."Don't ever come to his place again, you hear me?"  
It was _his_ voice. For some reasons, you didn't turn around and took another route to the gate, no, something in the air seemed hypnotizing, and you couldn't bring yourself away from the scene. You quickly hid yourself behind a wall, a hand holding at your mouth, not wanting to be discovered.  
From behind the wall, you could see that muscular body pinning someone else smaller to the wall, the broad back covering the other's face, the blond head lowering as the other's ears, giving selfish commands.  
"Don't ever speak to him again, don't ever see him again, don't ever think of him again. He has walked down that path, he has joined Germany and Italy against you. He is no longer your friend. You don't ever need to know his existence again."  
"Look at me. Make me your priority again. Let only my image reflect in your eyes. Trust me only, and I will do the same to you. I'm all yours, so, be mine, Arthur."

_No, he will not make make you his priority. He will not see you only. He wil not be yours, because you are not his.  
Because you were not the one that he confessed to.  
I am the only one for him, aren't I?  
_  
"What's so funny?"  
Your heart ached, hearing the cracking laughter that you'd missed all this time, the voice that sounded like windchime in your ears. Your heart ached even more, seeing him there, so close, so so close, seeing him being held by someone else, seeing his hand ruffling the hair of someone else so intimately, seeing his eyes half-lidded, his face half-covered, his smile at the pouting kid in front of him.  
"What are you, an idiot?"  
"Hey, stop calling me that! I keep telling you, I'm a hero!"  
"You are an idiot. What are you thinking, haven't you always been my first priority?"  
"Liar, you only hang around Kiku these days, you completely ignore us, Matthew just kept on ranting that you never went to see us anymore."  
"Well, Kiku is a good friend, that is, if he didn't join the Axis…"  
"Hmmm, really?"  
"You don't trust me?"  
"Hummm, who knows. So you're saying that I'm the one you love, not him?"  
"Wwwwhhaatttt? Who said anything about love?"  
"Aww, come one, don't be shy! Just admit it!"  
"Admit what? Nnnhhnn…Cut it out, you idiot!"  
"Being so dishonest huh, Arthur? Do you wish to be punished? Or you've forgotten how sensitive your skin is? Do you need me to remind you?"  
"Hey, stop, you…nn…. there maybe..people..still in here.."  
"If you want me to stop, just admit that you love me already."  
"Fine, fine, I love you. Happy?"  
"Hmm, more than anyone else?"  
"Yes, more than anyone else."  
"More than Kiku?"  
"Of course more than Kiku, he's just a friend! Now are you done? I still need to make a phone call to Matthew, let me go!"  
"So now Matthew is more important huh? So unfair, Arthur.."  
"Idiot, I already told you that I needed to inform him about the meeting. Unlike you, he's still in the British Commonwealth."  
"All right, stop struggling. Be back soon all right? I'll wait at the gate."  
"Do what you want, idiot!"

You heard footsteps coming closer and hid away behind the walls. You saw him going pass you, not noticing that you were there listening to their conversation all along. You saw that golden head, messed up and hair sticking all around. You heard his grumbling, cursing at Alfred, though he was smiling and blushing. You saw the back of his shirt all crumbled and heard his footsteps, loud and clear, stomping on the ceramic floor. You saw his shadow casting on the floor and wall, dancing like bonfire.  
You clamped your mouth tight, as you felt the existence of someone else nearby. You got frightened, seeing that man leaning on the wall behind which you were hiding, hearing his boots tapping on the floor patiently, his voice low and dangerous.  
"You heard him Kiku, he loves me and he is mine. So, stay out, if you don't want to gain any unnecessary enemies."  
You bit your lips, trying to stop the escaping cry in your throat. You wrapped an arm around your body, pushing yourself into the wall, finding a way to support your weakening knees that could no longer stand still. You lowered your head and looked away from his gaze, hiding the trickling tears on your cheeks. Your head was spinning and you wished to escape from the watchful eyes of that man, the burning gaze that sent shiver down your spine, the glasses glimmering with sunlight.  
Stop looking, he, of all people, must not be the one to see you in such pathetic state. Cut it out, go away, leave me alone!  
"He only sees you as a friend, Kiku. The one he loves is me."  
Shut up!  
"Only as a friend…"  
Shut up!  
_Friend…_  
SHUT UP!

You heard footsteps coming from the south wing.  
"Hey, what are you doing here? You said you were going to wait for me at the gate. Geez, I thought you had come home ahead of me already, you bastard."  
"Aww, so you are worried about me! Are you worried that I might be cheating on you or something?"  
"As if I care if you go out on your way with anyone!"  
"Mmm, then why are you having that kind of look in your eyes?"  
"What kind of look? You're imagining stuff again, you idiot!"  
"It'd be better if your words are as honest as your actions, Arthur. Anyway, let us go then."  
"…Hey, you were talking to someone when I arrived, right? I heard your voice talking…"  
"You are worried about me cheating..."  
"I am not! I'm just… curious..."  
"I wasn't talking to anyone, it was your ears playing tricks on you again. Or did you mistake my voice with that of your imaginary friends?"  
"They're not imaginary! And I told them to stay home today. But it's strange, I certainly did hear voices…"  
"It's just you getting old."  
"You want to die, you bastard?"  
"Nah, heroes are supposed to live long and save the world, right? Besides, if I'm dead, then who's gonna keep you company, you isolated friendless country? Hey, I'm just joking", smooched, "let's go home."

As the sound of echoed footsteps got smaller and smaller in your ears, you slid down onto the floor, your knees up at your chest and you started crying.  
You had lost.

* * *

You should have realized this sooner, before you were thrown in chaos.  
You should have realized that when he said "Let's be friends", he really meant it. Friends, and friends only.  
You should have realized that when he came visiting you on his weekends, he was looking for a reason to stop thinking about the situation between him and Alfred.  
You should have realized that when he let you hold his hand and when he wrapped his arms around your body, he was doing things that he did with a friend, a mere platonic friend.  
You should have realized that the delicious tea he made for you was what he would make for everyone, that the gifts he gave you was merely because of friendship, that the things he taught you was all out of his selfish kindness.  
You should have realized that he would smile that melting smile to anyone, not just you alone. You should have realized that the cheerful tone in his voice, the childish laughter, the mature and nostalgic air around him had been there since forever.  
You should have realized that the river bank he talked about wasn't the same as where you went to together, that it was another river bank on the other side of the Pacific Ocean.  
You should have realized that he fell in love with someone else by that foreign river.  
You should have realized that the confession he uttered that evening, the loving words he spoke, wasn't for you at all. It had never meant to be for you, but a man from across the sea, a proud and young country that he once raised, the one that had been on his mind all this time.  
You should have realized that there was no place for you in his heart, at all. Friends didn't deserve such importance.

You, a lonely desperate person, had clung onto it for too long that it cut you into pieces when you had to let it go and face reality ahead.  
No matter how you were friends, you could never take over the image of that guy in his heart. No matter how you were so intimate to each other, no matter what, you were to remain 'a friend', to play the role in friendship and stay that way.  
That was the only ending that you should have expected. Out of it and you lost the game.

This time, you really failed.

* * *

Wartime came and you no longer had time to be depressed. When you thought of how your friends, Ludwig and Veneciano, were fighting on the Western battlefield, you gathered your strength and courage and fought your own battle.  
You did realize that this time, you would be opposing him, you two would stand on the opposite side of the line, pointing guns at each other. When you saw his face on the reports from Europe, you instinctively traced your fingers down the frame of his face, your finger stopping at his lips, which looked chapped and bruised from the war. When you quietly held the paper close to your chest, you remembered the warmth of his body when he sheltered you from the rain.  
Back then, you felt painful from happiness. Now, your heart ached just as bad, because you missed him.

When you went to Pearl Harbour and saw for youself that indeed, Alfred had joined the game, something in your head went rogue and your hands felt hot from raging fire.  
When you won against that man and saw his figure in afar, totally defeated, something in your head exploded and you felt as if you were already ruling the world. When you stood on the debris of the war, looking at the sea, facing eastwards, you smirked at yourself, feeling strangely satisfied, and the idea of defeating Alfred didn't sound so impossible at all.  
They said beasts created wars, but in this case, wars had woken up the monster in you.

Still, you felt strangely human when you found yourself looking forward to news from the West. It seemed that Ludwig was planning on taking over Arthur.  
Being an Axis, your position was to support your allies, you were supposed to wish for Ludwig's victory, you were supposed to look forward to the Allies' defeat.  
Yet, when you heard the bad news that Ludwig had failed, something in your heart was enlightened and you let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding.  
Seriously, war could make you forget everything, but him.

* * *

You had expected to oppose him, you had expected wars against him, had expected that sooner or later you would have to face him and defeat him.  
Still, it hurt so much when it actually happened. Your eyes felt sore and watery when you saw him on the opposite end, guns in hand ready to shoot. Your body shook, seeing the flapping flag of his high in the wind. What was worse, it was next to a certain American flag. As the man himself, standing next to him like a shield.  
You glared into the man's eyes, seeing a smirk in them. You pretended to turn away to talk to a general when you saw him putting an arm around Arthur's waist, pretended that you didn't see Arthur not pushing the arm away.  
As the tanks got into their positions and the soldiers pointed their guns at the enemies, you heard a familiar monotone voice from the other line.  
"Charge."  
And bullets started to fly.  
Ahh, reality did hurt way worse than you had imagined. So, this was how things turn out to be, huh? So, this was the end for us…  
"Please give us the order, sir.", a general of yours cried.  
You shot one last look at the blonds, casting your last bit of pain at those emerald eyes and turned away.  
"Kill them."  
As your soldiers obediently followed your order and fired, you painfully found yourself wishing that at least, he wouldn't be harmed.  
It really really hurt, to wish for the safety of your enemy.

Like Ludwig's men who were chased out of Stalingrad, yours were easily defeated. Seemed like you were no match for the Allies after all.  
Your men pleaded for you to escape, to run away before it was too late, that they would stay back to cover your absence, and may our motherland was blessed, you felt guilty. Was it wrong for you to chase after that man's shadow and abandoned your children all this time?  
When you were trying to find your way out of the foreign forest of the Philippines, you heard terrible screams from the battlefield. The sound was in your mother tongue. You wanted to return and helped everyone out, you wanted to be there for your people, but your mind told you to go straight ahead, if not, then all of their efforts would have gone to waste.  
You heard the voice of command behind your back, you heard the ruffling sound of leaves and stomping boots on the hard forest floor. You felt surrounded and there was the air of human everywhere. Trying to cover yourself from a troop of soldiers, your back bumped into someone from behind.  
You jumped forwards, unsheathing your sword just in case, and you saw cold glares being thrown at you.  
"Why did you join the Axis, Kiku?"  
Ahh, that voice, that voice, the voice that had never spoken to you for years. For a moment, you felt abnormally happy, to hear that voice finally addressing to you, to see your reflection in those eyes, once again.  
"It would have been easier if you had stopped this meaningless war. Why did you want to fight, when we can all be friends?"  
_Friends, huh? So that's what you want, friends. It's easy for you, Arthur, but me, I need more, more than just friends. I need…_  
"Seems like talking to you is useless now. I'm sorry it has to turn out like this. I never want to fight you, Kiku, so surrender to us already."  
_If you have asked sooner, if you still stayed by my side, then maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't want to fight, if only… But still, it is already…_  
"Too late!", you roared and stroke at him, sword ready in hand.

It started raining.  
Memories of years ago flowed into your mind like a film scroll, honest and bold. Just like that time, raindrops like pearls suddenly fell upon you bodies without warnings, soon, there was a carpet of water wrapping around you and him, closing around the two bodies. The quiet forest raged up with noises, the sound of leaves being scrapped, the sound of water flowing into crevices underneath, of something crawling in the bushes, the quacking sound of fowls. The forest was filled with a thick air of rejection.  
It was like the scene in some stupid movies. You stood there, aiming the sword at his neck, the metal tip touching his uncovered neck, while he pointed his pistol at your forehead, the barrel felt cold as it was pushed at your skin. His finger was on the trigger and his hand didn't once shake.  
His face was blurry in the rain, either that or your eyes were too watery. The frame of his face, the details of his eyes, his nose, his mouth, were no longer clear. There was only a mop of wet blond hair swimming in front of your eyes, and it felt sore. Your hand shook lightly as the freezing cold water soaked your uniform and froze up your fingers.  
There was water on your face.  
"I wonder why I'm always destined to shoot people in the rain…", he quietly mumbled, the sentence, though sounded like a joke, was full of raw sadness.  
"You're still so unloved, I see."  
"I know. Is that why we are no longer friends, because I'm that detestable?"  
_Oh you idiot…_  
"You know,", you found your voice cracking, as your arms lowered and the sword fell onto the ground, "if only things worked that way…"  
"What do you mean?", he sounded surprised and suspicious.  
You stood up straight and raised your head, looking up to the sky above. The tree canopy had covered almost the entire sky, but through the branches and leaves, you could still see the xanadu-coloured sky. Water drops splashed onto your skin, your lips, your eyes and dripped down your neck, sipping into your hair.  
Your hands suddenly felt very warm and you lowered your eyes to meet forest green ones gazing at you. The hands that were holding yours tightened and you felt a tinge of coldness. He was still holding his pistol.  
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha…"  
Your voice felt alien even to yourself and you found your whole body shaking. Sometimes when you were still laughing like a maniac, the thunder arrived and was rumbling loudly in the sky, the noises ripping off the solemnity of the forest. In the corner of your eyes, you saw him standing there, disbelievingly, hands had long abandoned yours and was circling his gun tightly. You saw him glancing between you and the forgotten sword. You saw discontentment in his eyes, as if he was looking at a monster.  
"Kiku, what is wrong…"  
And he still had the guts to ask, what a fool!  
Thunders roared loudly above your head, giving you a major headache. Limbs felt cold from the rain, the uniform you wore felt heavy as it was badly soaked. The sheath of your sword tied at your side, feeling strangely out of place. The entire forest felt alive.  
But you felt like dying.

"There they are!"  
In a blink of an eye, you saw your soldiers surrounding them, the lucky ones that managed to get away from the massacre on the battlefield. They all looked ragged and pathetic, wounded and weak, with blood tricking down their face. Soon they gathered up around you, as a troop pointed their guns at his neck.  
"Let us kill him, sir!", the soldiers cried in hatred.  
You looked at him, his blond hair that stuck at his face, his eyes that were clouded with uncertainty, the pistol laid at his feet. It must have been a damn hilarious scene, you cornering the great British Empire. In other situations, it would have been the most wonderful achievement. You glared at his troubled face, considering what to do with him.  
But when you saw him smiling like that, all plans crumbled. He had closed his eyes and put on his face that smile, that goddamn smile that you had always loved.  
This is totally unfair!  
"Let's go.", you whispered.  
"Sir, what do you mean.."  
"Let's go!"  
"But we finally caught him, sir. This is our golden chance to finish up the United Kingdom…"  
"Let him go. I owed him once in the past and I wish not to be a betrayer."  
The men looked at each other confusingly as their superior turned around and walked into the forest. They soon lowered their guns and followed you, after throwing the last glance of disgust.  
"Don't let me catch you again. There certainly will not be a second time."

The sky started to clear as you were on your way escpaing to the airport. As you looked out of the car window, you saw a flash of someone standing alongside of the way. It was a blond bespectacled man.  
He looked at your face without blinking, like he was going to put a curse on you. You saw him mouthing something like a spell, then the car drove by, and his face was gone.

* * *

"There's a phone call for you, sir."  
You had just arrived home from another defeat and was certainly not in the mood to listen to any more bad news. News from the West that Ludwig and Veneciano had been defeated wasn't music to you ears either. This had better be something else than request for surrender.  
"Who's calling?"  
"It's an Allied."  
"I'm not in the mood to talk to any of those bastards."  
"But sir, it's him, Alfred F. Jones…"  
Not to mention the last person you wanted to talk to.  
"All the more, tell him to get lost."  
"But he said that this would be the last time he called us, so he really wanted to talk to you…"  
_The last time? What kind of trick is he hiding in his sleeves? Snotty brat, there's no way that I will admit defeat! __  
__Just you watch._  
"Fine, put him through."

"Honda Kiku."  
You wrinkled your nose at the sound of your name being called by that voice, every word emphasized. From the sound of it, it seemed like he was pretty content. Bastard.  
"What do you want?"  
"You to surrender, as always."  
"If you are going to talk about that stupid thing again, I suggest you stop wasting money on such useless phone calls."  
"Being considerate aren't you? Are you sure you will never surrender?"  
"I will not surrender to the likes of you at least."  
"Oh, being stubborn again, and here I've always thought that you were that sort of easy-going guy. Or are you nice to him only?"  
"This is getting nowhere, I'm going to cut off.."  
"Why did you let Arthur go on that day?"  
"This has nothing to do with this pointless conversation…"  
"You said something about owing him didn't you? What was it?"  
"It's none of your concern."  
"Hey, Kiku, why don't you let go of him already? Don't you remember what he said? Why are you still clinging on to him?"  
"I do not understand what you are talking about."  
"Don't run away from reality, Kiku, he's not coming back to you. Besides, he has never thought of you as anyone more than just a temporary ally…"  
"Shut up!"  
You breathed heavily into the phone, your hand gripped onto the edge of the desk went white and sore, your yelling just now echoed in the closed room.  
"Remember who he belongs to, Kiku. Let him go already. There's no more reasons to fight, we are all tired of this game you are pulling. Your allies in Europe have fallen too, you are all alone now. Now, will you surrender?"  
"No."  
"No matter what I do, you will not surrender?"  
"No matter what."  
"Then, will you let go of Arthur, Kiku?"  
As if something had blocked away the reality of this commander's room. No matter that the clock was ticking on the wall, no matter there were your soldiers walking pass your room outside of the door, no matter there were explosions and engine noise from outside of the window, it was completely silent. The only sound that you could hear was the beating of your heart and the words he said. Image of Arthur swam in your eyes, as if said person was there in the same room as yours, there he was sitting at the couch, sipping up tea leisurely like any other afternoon with his content smile on, that only if you could cut off the phone line and came running to him, then everything would be fine.  
Tears fell down your eyes at the scent of tea floated in the air. You missed him, you miss Arthur, of all the things in the world, you couldn't help but still wanted him. No matter what side you and him were on, you still couldn't oppose him. No matter how you point your sword at him, you could never wound him. No matter how he had chosen someone else than you, no matter what he felt, whom he loved, there was no way that you could stop loving him.  
You still loved him, you had always loved him.  
"…No…"  
There was a pause on the other line.  
"Even though you two are never meant to be together?"  
"Yes."  
"Even though the one he loves is me?"  
"Yes."  
"Even though you dare to hurt him?"  
"Yes."  
"I guess that leaves me no choice. Time's up and you cannot change your answer again. Don't be surprised at what is going to happen, after all, this is all what you've asked for. I will be the one waiting for your call this time."  
"There is no way that I will ever call you."  
"We'll see about that. Hey, Kiku?"  
"What now?"  
"Don't blame me for not warning you, I already told you not to make any unnecessary enemies."  
And you cut off the line.

The next morning you woke up at a stabbing pain at your leg. It was as if someone was ripping it apart. Being a country, pains all over your body during wartime was something normal, but this time, it was really painful, up to the point that you started crying. From the look of it, it seemed like something horrible had happened in Shikoku…  
"SIR!", a man suddenly burst into his room, "Hiroshima had been bombed! Around 8am this morning, it was an atomic bomb, from America."  
_That bastard, so this is what you've been scheming…_  
"What's the situation?"  
"I still don't know sir, we have just received the report from Shikoku.."  
"There's no time to read report now, how're the citizens in Hiroshima? What was the impact of the bomb? Get me a plane, I want to go there."  
"Please don't, sir, as things are now we still cannot make sure if a second bomb will be sent to Hiroshima again or not, it's too dangerous to go."  
"Are you saying that you want to go against my will? Of anyone, I should be less harmed, I am a country!"  
"As you wish sir."

"So, you received the gift, Kiku?"  
"You still have the nerves to call me, you fucking bastard!"  
"I waited for too long to get your call, so I decided to make the move and save you from humiliation. I already warned you didn't I, how come you are so shocked? So how's the situation? The photographers haven't arrived yet so I haven't seen how destructive it is."  
"You dare to talk? What were you thinking? This is supposed to be the war between the two sides, why did you drag personal grudge into this mess? What have my people done to deserve this? What did Hiroshima do to you? If you want to avenge me, kill me, do as you please, but how dare you touch my people…"  
"Why, did you forget that we are countries?"  
"What…"  
"We are merely personifications of countries, we are not human. Our grudge is the people's grudge. Our war is the people's war. Don't you remember how oppose we are from the beginning? Without you touching Arthur, I will still launch that bomb, for it is my boss's wish. You are on the same boat as I am, don't you remember? I am only doing what is right for my country, and you should think the same. Don't you realize how your heart feels can affect the lives of many others? You were so foolish, thinking so naively. Anyway, are you finally going to surrender now?"  
"No."  
"Are you a sadist? Or the impact of the bomb wasn't that great to waver your decision?"  
"Like I said, this is the war between our people, I am voicing their thoughts."  
"Justify youself all you want, but don't regret it later."  
"What are you going to do about it?"  
"We'll see about that then."

The next day, you received the news from Kyuushuu. Another bomb hit Nagasaki this time.

You stood alone in the fallen city of Hiroshima. Buildings that people were so proud of were destroyed into pieces. Houses and schools, hospitals and parks, all are worthless piles of debris. Many people had fallen, their corpses still laid underneath the ruins. Dried blood slid back to mother earth. The wind blew lifelessly through the vast dead city, mercilessly howling at sundown. The sky was a bloody colour of scarlet and maroon, the sun dying in the West.  
As you walked down the bank of Ainoura-gawa in Nagasaki, there were cattails swaying in the wind.  
You stopped midway, watching the plant dancing in the wind and the white tufts of dandelion seeds flying in the air. The wind was soothing, not matching the destroyed scenario nearby of a ruined city.  
You slumped down onto the ground. Tears couldn't stop flowing down your face, falling like rain onto the soil. Your hand gripped at the earth, nails cutting at your palms and drew blood. You let out a scream that had been there in you all this time, back from the Four-power treaty.  
_What have I done?_

Four days from then, you heard that voice grinning satisfyingly on the other line.  
"I knew you would call."  
"Before doing whatever you want, answer me, why exactly did you destroy our cities?"  
"You really want to know?"  
"Yes."  
"Politically, I don't want to see that bastard Ivan doing all the work, I am the hero, aren't I? Scientifically, I want to see how the bombs work out. Personally, I want to get revenge for the Pearl Harbour incident."  
"That's all?"  
"The world only needs to know that. But those are excuses only. The real motive lies underneath."  
"Does it concern him?"  
"It IS about him. It was a reminder for you to make sure that you remember the real situation, that who's the winner in this game. Whatever you're planning to do, the fact never changes and Arthur is mine, don't ever forget that."  
"Seems like I'm not the only one who does things according to his selfish heart."  
"It is because we desire the same thing."

* * *

That was the things from half a century ago. The Earth has revolved in its orbit all this time and the world keeps on evolving.  
There are no more Axis or Allied powers, what official and secret agreements are merely there in their own boxes in museums across the world, as a memorial of the past that the world observed.  
The desire for war and conflict, though has never died out, are on progress of being locked up inside everyone's heart, in fear of another terrible war that wiped away innocent lives.  
Destroyed cities and towns are rebuilt, even though some of them started from absolute zero. People crowd back into the cities, admiring the places that once were the heart of fierce battles, underneath the buildings and streets are corpses of those who were victims of the war.  
The world's economic gradually climbs up and develops, modern technology and discoveries are made every day. Everyone all tries their best to be back to shape and start their own race in GDP growth, no matter where they stood in the previous war.  
Now, the world is at peace.

* * *

You, as a successful country, is supposed to be in peace as well. Even though you used to be an Axis, with rapid development in technology, soon you were able to stand on the first few steps of the ladder of the world. You have made more friends, seen more people, the raging beast has long fallen into slumber in your heart, and the desire for war in you has vanished.  
Alfred, at some point, befriended you, and strangely enough, you become a good friend of his. There is no longer trace of conflict between you and him and he visits you often, bringing strange stuff from his place and a childish laughing face. Usually, you discuss about games and culture with him, sometimes he freaks you out with the alien he brings along, sometimes he stays overnight, playing games with you all night, then fall into sleep on the sofa the whole morning afterwards.  
Sometimes, and you wonders what he is thinking, he comes to you to talk about Arthur. No matter if it's another argument they have, no matter if it is something laughable and childish, no matter if it is joy from a date, he goes out on his way and tells it all to you, while making that strangely serious face. Sometimes he runs to you crying when Arthur was mean to him and you have to be the counselor. Sometimes, he calls you at midnight, excitedly roaming about his latest date in London, while complaining that Arthur doesn't pay enough attention to him.  
At first, you thought that he was only being considerate and trying to make you feel less awkward about their friendship, so you went along in his pace, soothing him when he needed it, laughing with him when he felt happy. But then, once you saw his reflection in the cup of tea as he was telling another story about his lover. There was the familiar fire burning wildly in his eyes, his face all serious and the gaze sharp like a knife, as if he was going to stab you any moment if you talked something unnecessary. He was testing your heart. In the end, friends you may be, Alfred will always see you as an enemy when it comes to Arthur.  
Well, it's not like Alfred's instinct is that wrong anyway.  
For with every word he speaks about Arthur, every time you go to the airport and see a flight from the United Kingdom, every article you find on the newspaper about a certain someone in the West, every time you see a pack of black tea in the supermarket, you cannot help but remember.  
And it pains you so bad.  
Time did you no good, at all, for there's no way that you can forget.

Your love, ironic enough, feels like that of the typical motive in shoujo mangas, cheesy, expectable, shamefully unreal.  
Only this one hurts way worse than imaginary 2-d relationships.

* * *

This G8 meeting is like any other, with Matthew being totally forgotten, with Ivan being scary and keeps on dragging Yao into the conference, with Francis being creepy and Ludwig yelling "Silence!" the whole time. At some point of the end of the meeting, somehow Arthur and Alfred manage to have a quarrel over the meeting table, throwing mouthful of insults into each other's face. From the mass of words they yell, it seems like it is just another lame argument about Arthur's so-called 'imaginary friends'. And with lame arguments between these two lovebirds, it is best to leave them be for a while, for trying to stop them is a rather useless attempt, even for those like Ivan or Ludwig.  
"Hey, Kiku, speak some sense into him!", you suddenly hear your name called and see Arthur leaning over from across the table, his face flushed from anger.  
It is just another friendly request, but you quickly realize that the fact is a bit worse, that Alfred is throwing suspicious looks at you.  
"I'll be happy to do so, but won't you be jealous?"  
"Whaaa…Kiku, what are you talking about? All the more, why the hell should I be jealous?"  
You pull the chair back and stand up, gathering the reports and papers on the surface. You smile at Arthur's funnily desperate look and reach for the door.  
"Really, you two are such lovebirds!", and you chuckle while making that face of "Don't-bother-with-hiding-such-obvious-lover-spat".

As you walk along the hall, you laugh, remembering Arthur's funny face and troubled turn a corner and lean over a wall. There is something strangely overwhelming your senses in this empty corridor. The portraits being hang on the opposite wall seem as if they are mocking you. The ground feels like dissolving into dust and the wall behind your back is jelly-like. But for some reasons, you cannot stop laughing.  
_Arthur, Arthur, Arthur_  
Until your eyes feel all blurry.

"What are you doing, Kiku?"  
"Umm…Veneciano-kun?"  
"The meeting finished long ago, what are you still doing here, sitting alone on the floor like that?"  
"I don't know, I think I feel a bit dizzy. Must be airsickness… What are you two still doing here?"  
"Ludwig was waiting to get the documents for the next meeting in Berlin so I waited with him. Hey, are you all right now? Do you need a drive back to the hotel?"  
"Ahh, please do. Thanks, Veneciano-kun, sorry to bother you, Ludwig-san."  
"It's nothing. We're friends, right?"

"Kiku."  
"Yes, Ludwig-san?"  
"Letting go is hard, isn't it?"  
You turn sideways to look at him, surprised. He isn't looking at you, his gaze is faraway, following Veneciano's running figure to the carpark. The lemon yellow sunlights sparkle in his eyes and you think you see someone in those eyes.  
Ahh, this man, he too had to let go of someone important. Not to mention, it was his family.  
"Yes, it is hard."  
"If there's anything that we can do for you, I mean, if you need someone to talk to, you can always come to us. We may not understand it so well and may not be able to console you, but at least we can give you some support."  
There is a sudden wind that sweeps by your face and dry leaves are blown into the air. The sunset picture is decorated with irregular-shaped dots. You feel Ludwig's hand on your head. When he lowers his hand, there is a dandelion seed in his palm.  
"It got stuck in your hair."  
You put on your hand and catch the seed. The white tuft attached to the seed feels soft and fragile in your fingers.  
"Thanks…"  
The wind blows again and before you have time to react, the seed is blown away, carried by the wind into the sky. The seed floats in the curent of air, hanging loosely right above your head, then it rises higher and flies into the sky.  
A wave of sadness washes over your body and every single thing flows back into your head.  
The lonely face hidden behind a bouquet of flowers that appeared at your doorstep and a shy smile.  
The warmth of the hands that sipped into your skin.  
The crimson sunset by the river bank. The swaying cattails, the tiny dandelions crushed on the ground.  
The trail of falling star visible in the endless sky and the serious face shone under the moonlight.  
The scent of tea filled in the living room, the sound of tea being poured, the friendly chatter and goofy laughter.  
The cold pistol pointed at your forehead, the muddy forest floor, the freezing rain, the blood running from your hands.  
The longing smile on Arthur's face as he looked at the East.  
"Ludwig, Kiku, why are you two taking so long? Kiku…"  
You see a flash of green eyes behind the curtain of the rain. Someone embraces you tight and the fabric of the suit rubs at your cheek.  
"Let it all out, Kiku. Cry all you want, it is ok."  
And you cry out like child.  
A small child who has lost a dandelion seed to the wind.


End file.
